You need to be honest with them if you're gonna actually do this ;-;,i had these type of thoughts but now i don't really care about the bad stuff and do something that actually makes you happy to get those thoughts off...maybe try making a fandom,a new oc for fun,i personally WAS a therapist and still can be a therapist (for my friends and others) but hopefully you find a solution,a good one,no kill kill starling >:( bad decision, who knows what shi would be there when you or anyone oof em sleeves, there's plenty of things yet it feels like theres nothing new,tho the only thing that might entertain you is to watch yt videos, even tho some shiyyy stuff like if the fyp didn't heal but you can always go check gacha reaction videos of fandoms, they're entertaining to watch :P